Its Alright to Leave

There are so many red flags, yellow flags and things people try to ignore when dating or in a relationship; if you need a list of why you should leave a relationship look at the list below.

1.      Needs are not being met (this list is different for every person i.e. mentally, physically or financially)

2.      You have been cheated on or manipulated or violated

3.      You have given years’ and excessive time and he has not married you

4.      You are a secret you have not met his mom, family, friends, or children

5.      He calls after 11 pm and you don’t go on any dates, dinner, no courting you, just for sex

6.      He doesn’t Love God and you don’t have the same moral values

7.      Not respectful of you they are verbally or physically abusive, profanities, nasty, mean

8.      You have nothing in common (food, hobbies, friends, likes, events)

9.      He doesn’t like your Children or Family (and they not crazy children or family)

10.   They drink excessively (alcoholic or too much for you)

11.   They do drugs of any kind street or prescription

12.   They are broke, no job, no car and they are not trying to get any of those listed. (You should have left that alone from the beginning)

13.   They are a user, a leach, a predator

14.   They don’t know your worth

15.   They are not supportive.

This list is not exhaustive but hopefully will give you courage on making the right decision. You have to know what you will and will not put up with.

Michelle A. Roberts, M.A., Author, Speaker, and Entrepreneur Author of Dr. Shell’s 100 Tips on dating http://bit.ly/drshells100tips 

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The "One"

This is a letter I wrote to myself as I wait for the “One”, I wrote this for comfort and strength and I often find comfort in reading this as I wait on the journey and path of  the “one” finding me. I pray it will bless you to.

What I look forward to in my next marriage/long term relationship is number one that it will last until God calls us home. I know I am well built for a lasting, loving relationship because I was married before for 18 years so sticking and staying is not an issue. I know also I am worthy of mind blowing love, honesty, integrity, security and trustworthiness I am worthy of having a monogamous relationship I am worthy of having someone who does not want to share me or be shared, we can truly be one.

Someone I can be raw and honest with and who will love me with or without my lashes or my make up on or off. The one you can be real with and they accept you flaws and all. The “One” will be sent from God and fashioned and designed for me and me for him. The “One” is preparing for me as I am in preparation for him. I am busy with my life, I am getting out of debt, working on my temple, eating right and staying healthy. I am chasing my dreams and visions that have been set before me to achieve.

I am a woman of prayer and purpose so that The “One” will find me working and busy in the gates. I am gleaning in the field like a beautiful carefully crafted diamond. I am sparkling now because in preparation for the “One” I went through lots of heart ache and pressure on the way to him finding me. I went through the pressures of bad choices in relationships because of not having patience for the “One”. The pressures of raising 3 children as a single mom,  the process of self-love and self-discovery, the process of re building and being recreated and fashioned just for the “one” I remind myself when I begin to get anxious and question the wait, and the why’s that sometimes enter my mind. I cast them down as I think of the “one”, God has designed and set aside for me the “One”  specially crafted and made for his favor.  I can’t get weary or dreary for the day will be soon as the “One” is on a mission to find me as God prepares him for his “One” J

This article is compliments of Michelle A. Roberts, M.A., Author, Speaker, and Entrepreneur

So he doesn’t want you…… Pick up your P.E.A.R.L.S .

I just got off the phone with a client who was crying and I was listening and all she kept saying is he don’t want me. He doesn’t want me! I listened and listened, I got teary eyed too. But then I had to help my sister.

So he doesn’t want you…… First let me acknowledge that yes it is a bad feeling and it can make you question your self-worth, your mental clarity and your spiritual walk. I believe at least once if not more you will experience this when you are dating and even when you have been in a committed relationship or one you thought commitment was supposed to be there. Honestly it’s just not a good feeling.

But girl let me tell you ….. Pick up your P.E.A.R.L.S and move forward.  It was probably a good thing. (I know you making a face) But trust me and read on. J

Pick up Peace of mind you were probably trying very hard and trying more than they were.  Let’s face it after you cry and reflect, there is nothing like Peace of mind. 

Next put your Emotions in check, “weeping endures one night but joy comes in the morning” (Okay it may take you a week but do it), calm yourself, exercise, and breath, scream if you need too!

Take Action, get involved in other activities, call your family or your girlfriends that you may have been ignoring when you were caught up, stay busy and if you are brave start dating again.  Call that 2^nd string, you know the one who said if he ever lets you go I will be there. (Be careful now, if you are one that can’t handle something new that quickly.)

Have a Reality check; examine the good, the bad, the ugly and what you want in your next relationship and the things you will improve upon and the things you will not put up with.

Love yourself like never before, get a massage, have a spa day, get your make up done, Change your hair,  go to the movies or a play by yourself (love you and be okay even when you are alone) .

And finally be Strong you can and will live through this experience, you will grow, you will love again and you will be position with your P.E.A.R.L.S. Peace, Emotions , Action, Reality, Love and Strength.

This article is compliments of Michelle A. Roberts, M.A., Author, Speaker, and Entrepreneur

Contact: Michelle A. Roberts 404-935-8113

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What Makes You Feel Loved?

What things that others do for you make you feel loved? Do you like to have people give you special gifts, or to send you cards and messages that assure you that you are loved and appreciated. Maybe you are the type of person who appreciates a hug as a way of feeling loved, or really enjoy spending time with your spouse or best friend.

The way we give love to others is often indicative of the way we want to be loved ourselves. . Most couples enjoy expressing their love to each other. However, many of us have yet to learn a golden lesson. We all give and receive love every day. Often what makes us feel loved is different to the way others give and receive it. Learning what makes our spouse or children feel loved can be the key to making even great relationships even better.

We all enjoy being told we are loved, but for some people, the spoken word is not enough. Telling your spouse or child you love them but never following it up with the things that make them feel loved can create feelings of confusion and concern in even the best of relationships.

Keep a record of what you do for others to show them your love and note the reactions you receive to those actions. As you observe the significant people in your life and their responses to the different ways, you express love to them; you will soon see how they best “hear” you. 

If your wife sees help around the house as evidence of how much you love her, each time you help her you confirm to her you love her. In just one action, you will speak louder to her about your love than if you verbally assure her of your love every day. If your husband wants your physical touch, giving it to him will assure him you love him, more than any number of meals you may cook for him.

Learning to recognize the things that make us feel loved and then identifying what the significant people in our lives need to feel loved is a beautiful self-growth adventure that will revolutionize our relationship. It takes little time and effort to learn how to do this, yet as we learn and use this simple technique, our significant relationships can be transformed. 

This article is compliments of Michelle A. Roberts, M.A., Author, Speaker, and Entrepreneur

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When They Tell you they love you ……..

The magic words most ladies want to hear, I love you, you know I love you, and Girl I love you. Well those words may land in your heart or in your stomach depending upon who is saying this and where the relationship has gone are is going.  I recall hearing I love you from my now ex-husband  as he would leave to go to the Crack house, I would hear I love you as I had to hide my keys in my shoe boxes because I knew he would not look there and if he got the keys I would not be able to get to work.

I heard I love you when I  went to the mail box and saw a letter from the courts saying he needed to pay child support for the first child he had while we was married. And yes I said the first child there were more  L .   I heard I love you as I would remind him if he loved us (our 3 kids and I) he would stop doing those things that made us sad, worried and disappointed.

So l had to start asking him are you really in love? , because love should not treat you like this the Bible says that love is patient and love is kind, therefore no you don’t love this Girl/Woman, Daughter, Wife, and Mother.

I knew with all that is in me, that I was in Love with me and because I love me, I had to leave the person who said they loved me for over 18 years of marriage and begin the healing and loving myself process. I had to love my 3 beautiful children enough to remove them from an unhealthy and dysfunctional situation. I remember asking myself, what are you showing/ teaching your daughters.  What are you teaching your son? I know that children look at what you do not just what you say. They were my why for improving our situation.

I am sharing this so you can love yourself enough to leave, start over or move on if you experience abuse, emotional or physical.  You may be reading this and thinking wow it is easier said than done. And I will agree it took me years to leave, I lacked confidence, self-esteem and the belief that I could make it. I had to reach out for help from, family, friends and clergy. I prayed, I cried and I used positive self-talk through affirmations to give me the strength, courage and stamina to make it happen. It was not easy but so necessary to heal and move forward.  I adopted a new Love code and I share it with you below.

L.O.V.E can mean Loving Over Various Errors or Living Over Victoriously Every day, I chose the latter and I am taking my Pearls back J

This article is compliments of Michelle A. Roberts, M.A., Author, Speaker, and Entrepreneur

 Contact: Michelle A. Roberts 404-935-8113

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